Today was all about ups and downs.

Ups: I got to see my dear friend and very talented artist Maggie before she moved to Kansas City and I leave town. She brought me the new piece of hers I bought the other day, it is a lovely piece of art. We also picked out a beautiful still life painting of hers for Stewart. He chose it over the space phone.

I wrote a list and took care of a few things and my cold seems to be improving still. I also got a payment for a painting I was owed and that is just a little more cash in hand for my journey.

Downs: Today would have been first Thursday if the underground hadn't gone under... it is the first time in over two and half years that I haven't been talking about my art and the art of my fellow artists at the underground. It was not shocking that today was emotional. I have been carrying around a lot of garbage for a long time and it is going to take me a while to get through it all. On days like this I am vulnerable.

More ups: I decided that it could still be first Thursday, it would just have to be on facebook and because of this people enjoyed a variety of art and even bought art. Myself included, as you know I love art, so I bought a little piece by one of my favorite artists and had it mailed to Stewart's place so I would feel more at home. Later in the night he also bought a piece by the same artist!

Downs: Later I cried and wailed for the past, for what was lost. I cried for myself and how scary everything can be and for how hard change is. I have been through so much change in the past year it is unimaginable. How I have doubted myself all these years, how I have limited myself, how I have acted out wanting something, searching, aching, yet distrusting myself.

Ups: And now here I am, slowly, amazingly, rebuilding...

x.