Cheer-me-up reading

Not sure if this was the best titled book to throw into my bag on my way to the Emergency department of St Vincent's hostipal (Mimi and Finn pronunciation).

Upon waking up I realised that the festering around my kneecap had happily and swiftly gone up the leg and now reached my groin.
Enough was enough, I wasn't going to let the Cruisade reach the family jewels. Not without putting up a fight.

The triage in A&E was surprisingly swift and efficient.
I was not very optimistic and had heard too many horror stories.
And the very first girl at the admin desk advised me right away that depending on my medical condition after triage, treatment could take up to four hours.
I did what I usually do in such situations, looked left and right, lowered my voice to a whisper, and slowly pushed towards her a neatly folded bribe stuck between my index and middle fingers.
"Perhaps THIS will change your mind". It was 9am. By 10.30am I had had blood tests and an x-ray done and I was already hooked to my first I.V. of heavy duty antibiotics.
The girl must have appreciated the double-your-clubcard-points-on-today's-shopping-at-Tekso voucher to its true value. Good thing she had failed to realise that it had expired two days prior.

I then went through the trolley-in-the-corridor rites of initiation till about 5pm before being assigned to a room of four. I don't know what people find so wrong about the trolley-in-the-corridor thingy in A&E. For of all it is not a trolley but a comfortable bed, just the same as the one you'd have in a room. And it's a busy department with loads of coming and going and shit loads of action.
I found it rather fascinating to be quite honest. And it helped me not to worry too much about dying. Or worse still, see my nads shrivel and dry and then fall off.