Tae A Haggis

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

~ Robert Burns

Let's nip this in the bud right now. Over the years a lot of nonsense has be told about the humble Haggis. Tonight I offer documentary evidence to the existence of this wee fella. Next you'll be telling me you don't believe in Nessy!

A few Haggis FACTS!!!

There are two theories to the origins of the Haggis. One states that these playful creatures came across with the Viking raiders as pets. The other is that the creature is a native of Caledonia. Proponents of the latter often use the tales of rape and pillage to debunk the former, while descendents of these Norse travellers explain that the reputation of their ancestors was in fact laid to waste in order to keep secret the true origins of this traditional Scottish dish.

Of the 23 species of Haggis, only 2 are edible, the Lesser Spotted (pictured) and the Laggan Black. Both creatures are shy, nocturnal beasties but their natural friendly, trusting personality leaves them defenceless against their only natural predator, man.

It is not true that Haggis is a dish made from the liver, lungs and heart of a sheep, boiled in its stomach lining. This was an early attempt to try and put people off trying the Haggis, of which it is said, one taste and you are hooked forever.

The Highland Clearances of the 18th and 19th Century were not enacted to try to break up the power of the Clans. This forced displacement was required when population numbers of Haggis were reduced to dangerously low levels as a result of over hunting. Unfortunately, the mass exodus of Scots to the Colonies only served to spread the population worldwide as Haggis were either smuggled or unknowingly hitched a lift with unsuspecting families.

Traditionally, Haggis is served with neeps and tatties (turnip - or swede - and potatoes). These root vegetables are actually the normal diet of the Haggis, and in days of old, they were actually laid in open ground ovens as bait for the unwary Haggis, who would trot in for a meal, only to have the door sealed and fire set. Of course today, Haggis are killed humanly for consumption.

Wild Haggis are extremely rare these days and for the past 157 years some form of commercial breeding has existed in Scotland. The sites of these vast Highland breeding grounds are held with the same level of secrecy as the existence of Area 51 in the United States, which is in actual fact the site of the sole licensed breeder of Haggis outside of Scotland, the recipe for Irn Bru and of course, as mentioned before, the existence of the Loch Ness Monster.

Robert Burns was severely censured upon publication of Address Tae A Haggis for promoting the idea that the Haggis had a face. Some people in the know thought that this would be too obvious a clue as to the existence of the creature. In an attempt to curtail any serious questions being asked fanciful tales of creatures skipping through the heather were widely spread to divert attention from this obvious lapse in the code of the Secret Society whose purpose was to protect the species, and to which Burns was formerly a member until his expulsion as a result of this. No matter how much Burns plead his case, he was forever ridiculed by the popular press of the time.

Right, I'm off to draw a blade across Hamish's back and get stuck in. Hope everyone partaking of a wee Haggis are all having a great Burns Night and for everyone else, "Remember, a Haggis is not for life, it's for one night only!"

Have a great rest of Wednesday folks. Will catch up after tea! ;- )