And you thought my cat looked wild...

Sorry, emergency blip. I have been all day battling with a fever....

Day started with a string of texts. From an unknown sender

Unknown: Are you awake??

me: Yes.

Nothing for a while. I tried to phone the number just to see who it was from. To voice mail. Tried again. Same.

Beep beep beeeeeeeep

Unknown: No need to panic!! Sorry just at work and it's hard to answer! I'll text you in a minute.


Still none the wiser as to who is texting me, so I decide to wait and see. Maybe the next text will bring some more clues.

Beep beep beeeeeeep!!!!!

Unknown: Remember when Mouldy stayed in Stuarts bed after a Spyglass party. He pefted Harvey's sister then he pissed over his stereo!! I remember Stuart shouting "my stereo is wet.... fuck its piss!" I just laughed and thought, has nobody realised Mouldy is in bed with a fatty!

At this point is very clear that he or she who is texting me has got the wrong number. I try to text back just saying that but I am interrupted by another bleeep.

Unknown:...." Deffo, I'm giving him props for that one!!! I thought it was a good diversion. All people remembered was the piss. He threw up in his kitchen, pissed in his bedroom and spunked in his bed. Apart from taking a shit in his shower. He did it all!!!

I try to finish my " sorry, wrong number" text.... More beeeping

Unknown: Funny times!!!! How's everything going?

me: Very funny, but I think you have the wrong number.

Silence....

Beep beeeep beeeeep

Unknown: Oh dear...sorry!

me: Don't worry. I was tempted not to say anything and see what else you wrote. It was hilarious. And I will try to avoid anyone called Mouldy in the future...

Beep beeep beeeep

Unknown: That is probably a wise move....

I might have hallucinated the whole thing...