Things I'll Never Do

I saw this boat sinking in St Monans harbour and it reminded me about the crazy fifteen minutes that I once had when I contemplated buying a boat.

A friend of a friend was selling a speedboat and offered it to me for £1500. In the grand scheme of things that price seemed cheap and I was seduced by the prospect of sailing to work...

There would be savings to be had as I could get rid of the car so not have to pay road tax , insurance, parking tickets etc- although I'd have to weigh this saving up against the cost of rescue flares which I would inevitably need to buy in bulk! Alas sanity prevailed which is just aswell or I would have no doubt ended up like the boat in this photograph.

I'll never buy a boat. Never. It wouldn't be fair on the RNLI

Here's a list of twenty other things I'll never do:

1.Buy a pair of stilts
2.Own a snake
3.Wax (my chest or my car)
4.Love creamy things
5.Speak to a tradesman without sounding like a dick
6.Score a goal for Scotland
7.Resist the urge to laugh when a car drives through a puddle and splashes a pedestrian. Unless I'm the pedestrian
8.Change my name
9.Pierce my body
10. Get tired of eating butter
11.Appreciate fine wine
12.Be able to blow my nose
13.Drink coffee instead of tea
14.Get over my fear of the 1st tee (in particular that moment at the top of my backswing when the fear really hits )
15.Throw another javelin (only ever done it once & I whacked myself in the head!)
16.Leap from a great height
17.Get tired of playing Tennis-Football
18.Read the instruction manual
19.Stop appreciating my own jokes (someone's got to it!)
20.Act cool when a wasp enters the room