Grim Midfielder

Bill Shankly infamously claimed that "football isn't a matter of life and death. It's more important than that." Well, I'm sure he'd manage a smile at the latest rumours doing the rounds, concerning Aaron Ramsey: Arsenal's Goalscorer of Death. The theory is, in short, that every time Ramsey hits the back of the net, someone famous snuffs it. It began with Osama bin Laden last May, continued with Muammar Gaddafi in the autumn, closely followed by Steve Jobs, and then Whitney Houston last week. As there was no football on in July, Ramsey's off the hook over Amy Winehouse, although woe betide him if he was having a kickabout in his garden that night.

All fairly amusing, and all complete and total bollocks, it goes without saying. Still, you'll never stop the superstitions (and gallows humour) of the average footy fan, and there's many an animated discussion taking place as to whom the bell will toll for when Aaron next hits the target. At the very least, I imagine there's a fair few supporters nationwide who'll be praying for a Ramsey hat-trick next time Thatcher's in the hospital. If only mortal matters were really that simple.