Buddy lines

When you dive you are safer if you dive with a "Buddy." Unless of course your buddy happens to be a homicidal husband, as happened in Oz when an American chap "offed" his Mrs.

Unfortunately I am no longer sylph like enough to hang suspended in the depths, these days I resemble a mini submarine rather than Jacques Cousteau. Well, maybe not that bad, but enough for me to know better than waddle around in neoprene.

Tales of old. During 1972-73 I was based in Malta with 41 Cdo RM. Lucky us, we occasionally managed to spend a bit of time on the island, the rest of the time we were at sea fighting imaginary enemies and anybody else who annoyed us. My mate and I would take our manly torsos down to St George's Bay, rent a pair of tanks each and go exploring the local sea floor. We were both trained to a basic level, and appeared to know what we were doing. Those who have been to Malta may know the Dragonara Casino/Hotel next to Paceville, that's the area.

One day my pal, let's call him Chris Wiggington to protect his identity, turned up with a spear gun he had purchased. He was intent on killing something, anything. The only problem was that he might spear me or something that would actually get hacked off and fight back. I nervously followed him out on the surface, using our snorkels to save air, once outside the bay we dived as there is a gully about three meters wide and two meters deep just offshore about 30 feet down. Chris intended to do the deed on something in the gully, a known hidey hole for tiny fish.

I resolutely kept him in sight and hovered just behind and above him, I felt slightly safer if he couldn't see me. Chris spotted a small fish and decided that murder was in order. He set up the gun, lined up on the quietly browsing relative of Nemo and slowly, imperceptibly sank into the gully.

WHACK! An octopus arm lashed out, wrapped itself around Chris' ankle and held on, Chris screamed, I heard him! Then he hurtled to the surface with bubbles escaping from every orifice. I was so curled up laughing that I came to the surface in pain, every chuckle muscle was hurting. Luckily we hadn't been too deep, so Chris was OK, he was choking down sea water and trying to tell me that some gargantuan monster had nearly eaten him. How he never speared me I don't know, but I told that story for days until he threatened me with dire things. The monster was about two feet long; so much for our heroic Commandos. :-))) Sorry Chris, you've been framed.