200

And lo forsooth and mainly on Thursdays it came to pass that our hero Valentine awoke from a luxurious sleep, safe in the arms of his bounteous Hortenstance who had held him in a loving death lock all night. Valentine was immediately aware of his lovers aroma, a smell he could not place though something from his childhood on his grandfathers farm yielded some vague memories.

He jumped out of bed like a lemming on speed and declared,

'My love, to the shops I will go and buy fresh bagels, fresh coffee and fresh pants!'

Hortenstance clapped her hands vigorously together like a performing seal whilst making similar noises to the said seal.

Valentine skipped out of his lovers mansion, happier than he had ever been on his life until he turned the corner and there, banging a big stick into the palm of his hand was Mad Man Luciano, the espurged lover. He was flanked by several menacing types including 'Windy Wicked Will' 'Busty Bulbous Bev' and 'Crusher Crackpot Colin.' All good Italians.

'Shopping ?' asked Valentine as innocently as possible.

'Come to kill you and your woman ,' snorted Luciano.

'I wouldn't advise that,' replied Valentine, keeping his distance.

'And why would that be?' whistled Busty Bulbous Bev.

'Well the Sheriff will arrest you all!' said Valentine happily.

'You mean my father?' asked Luciano, a huge sick smoke across his face.

'Your father,' spluttered Valentine.

'Oh yes!' declared Luciano now stepping forward with menace.

Valentine whipped into action.

'Up there!' he shouted pointing high into the Venetian sky. The four buffoons looked up allowing our hero time to run away and handily set loose a herd of sheep that had come to market. The result was absolute confusion and mayhem.

Valentine ran to Hortenstance's house to find her hanging out her drawers on the washing line.

'My love we must away, your mad ex lover is on my tail and threatens death.'

Hortenstance shook her head in denial and the shakes wouldn't stop as she packed her 16 cases with clobber helped by her dear sister, Haroldene, the two of them sobbing buckets full of tears.

Within hours Valentine, his lover & their 17 cases were safely hidden in the hold of one of Hortenstances fathers coal boats bound for the mainland and waiting for the right current to leave. Time passed with Valentine now on watch for the fearsome four and then, just as the captain let it be known they could leave, Luciano and his brood arrived at the quay. They looked like a real nasty bunch, tooled up with all sorts of weaponry and listening to hard core RnB. 'Booyakkasha!' shouted Luciano whilst beating his bare chest with his clenched fists.

'Everyone keep quiet!' shouted Valentine to the crew, immediately attracting attention to the boat as it slipped away just yards still from the quayside.

And then disaster! A huge loud belch from within the hold followed by several hiccups and a rendition of 'Knees up Mother Beresi.'

They were discovered!

Valentine ran to the hold to find his lover merrily filling her mouth with stout from within the 17th case which was full of it!

Arrows now blasted into the side of the boat and fearsome shouts of threat and terror reigned down on them. Valentine responded by lobbing back lumps of coal which he found wonderfully effective.

The fight was short lived with the boat now building up a head of steam and they were at last away.

Several days later Hortenstance awoke in a bed of beauty. Before her, windows opened out on to a beautiful veranda that in turn gave way to the glistening sea.

She would learn they had travelled 200 nautical miles and as she would step out on to the terrace where she would find 200 beautiful white roses and her lover, our hero Valentine, would smoother her with 200 kisses, falling to his knees as he did so and asking for her hand.



200 blips

Dedicated to my Karen.

Xxx


You can read the other two journal entries on Valentine on the 14th & 15th of February.

Thankyou for all being sooooo wonderful!