Waiting for Godot

ESTRAGON: Let's go.
VLADIMIR: We can't.
ESTRAGON: Why not?
VLADIMIR: We're waiting for Godot.
ESTRAGON: (despairingly) Ah!

--SAMUEL BECKETT, Waiting for Godot

Not good, but it's hard taking a phone shot of a contemplative nun, from a suitable distance.

How the Italian Health Service Works 101
Outpatients.

1. Finally get appointment.

2. Realise you can't remember which of the hospitals said appointment was at, by which time, you will be late for one of them.

3. Return almost home, stop off in the bar because it is nearer, realise that the new phone book is not classified in any helpful order and take ten precious minutes finding the hospital appointments line. No one answers.

4. Find the hospital switchboard line. Someone answers, but it is the only person who does not know how to patch through a call! Call back and finally, they are able to tell you that you are indeed expected at the hospital you thought you were expected at. You speed off like a lunatic, leaving distressed old women with shopping bags in your wake...

5. You are early, so you pass by the cashpoint. There are three machines in the hospital (all of which are needed), but you want to save money as The Child made you buy pens this morning and they cost far more than is reasonable...oh, and a Kinder Egg.

6. Once in the hospital, the helpful volunteer tells you that you need to pass by the cash desk before you go to see the specialist...Yes, you read that right, the cash desk.

7. Large queue. One woman working, two cash desks closed. You are number 19; she is serving number 2. Oh yes, cash desk lady also sorts out appointments, which in Italy, are something you have to make for yourself.

8. Coffee and loo visit. Number 4 is currently counting out small change, so the queue hasn't moved much. Cash desk guy comes back from his break. Things speed up and when it is your turn, the nice lady tells you that you need to see the doctor first and then return to her with your referral note and the doctor's note/receipt (if you don't pay, then you don't get your results!)

9. Queue outside the doctor's room, examination and piece of paper for your trouble.

10. Back to the cash desk...The queue from Hell. You are number 60, they are currently serving number 38...

11. Finally, another operative turns up, but she is a bit busy with her phone, so she takes a while to get going. Things speed up, eventually.

12. You have enough money (they take debit and credit cards, though) to pay cash. euros 42.60. This includes a 10 euro booking fee. Yes, I think Ryan Air is giving the health authority new ideas...

13. Final stage in the process, you return to the doctor, wait outside while he finishes with another patient, give him your receipt and he hands over your results, all nicely typed out in a language you will never understand but will also refrain from googling because, well, that's just scary innit.

14. Huge sigh of relief. Freedom. Oh, and you get huge hugs and kisses from a passing nurse, because you used to go out with her cousin and she hasn't seen you for ages (actually, that's just me, not everyone).

Oh, and the nuns? All three were waiting to see the gynaecologist...

Tune