A Farming Wife's Letter to her Husband ....

.... on their Thirtieth Wedding Anniversary.

I know that if you're truly, deeply in love
possessions shouldn't be a factor
But the truth is I only married you
because of your John Deere Tractor.

Don't look at me all grumpy like that.
Things could've been a whole lot worse.
If you hadn't chosen to marry me,
you'd have married that crazy nurse.

She'd never have made a farmer's wife.
She have lain all day in her bed,
dreaming of all the insurance money she'd have
if only you were dead.

And that pure, sweet lass you still talk about?
The one who asked if she could bring her brother?
That man was never her brother at all
but her one hundred and sixteenth lover.

Or you might have married your sister's pal,
the curly-headed Mary Jane,
if I hadn't got her that job in London
and made sure she got on the train.

And maybe our union has not been perfect
but we've produced many a bonny bairn.
It's not what you think you know that matters,
it's what you're still willing to learn.

It might be that this wee chat we're having
has put you in a bit of a dwam.
So let's break open that twenty year Malt
and have us a thirtieth anniversary dram.

And because I've grown so awful fond of you
and we still enjoy a regular cuddle,
our present is much more than we ever hoped for
though our past is a bit of a guddle.


The Moral of this Story.

It's not easy living the Farming life.
This is something we all know.
Some years the tatties all die in the ground
some years they just grow and grow.
But whatever kind of Tractor you drive
and whatever kind of trailer you tow,
always reverse through a good wide gate,
a narrow gate can spell disaster and woe.