I feel independence crawling under my skin. It's almost as if the blood running through my veins is just as confused as my mind. Do I want to be alone in this big, scary world? Or do I want to stay spinning in circles on the little black stool in the garage while daddy works on the car with my biggest worry being when I will be sent to bed? Do I want to start every day with a cup of coffee as my only companion in the early hours? Or do I want to stay half awake under a roof provided for me while the smell of coffee being made FOR me runs through the air in the hallway, all the way to my room? Its frightening to think I may never know when it's time to be completely self sufficient. Not only that, but will I be capable? Do I wait for my precious mother to sneak into my room and sweetly wake me or do I count on my own clocks to start my day? I don't know how I am going to feel waking up to an empty coffee pot that leaves me with a feeling that I must do the entire day on my own. I don't want to know, quite frankly. Some days I feel that if I don't find a greater sense of independence I will go insane. Most days, though, I feel that I don't ever want to leave. On those days I think to myself (when no one is looking into my eyes, reading my mind as the girls I love so easily do) what if I can't do things on my own? I know I'm capable of so many things, but do I really want to walk a path from morning till night knowing that the roof shielding me from the rain is not a roof shared with the one woman who catches me every time I fall?