I think there are countless internal clocks for all sorts of different things. There is one clock of mine that ticks rather loudly. If I see something related to all this, day dream for just a second too long, or find that someone else has what I am dying for, the ticking gets faster and about ten times louder. Sometimes I forget all about it and don't hear the clock at all, but most times no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with all I can think about is this clock. I'm afraid. What if I will never get it and I am stuck with this obnoxious ticking for the rest of my life? I'm usually afraid to even talk about it because I know I will be judged and ridiculed. ...Or maybe even frighten people away. I know there is a time and place for everything, but this thing...this tiny, stupid little thing...it just won't go away. And the worst part is that it's not a tiny, stupid little thing at all. It's a huge thing and for a long time now it's been the thing I want most.