Forbidden

I was raised in a very strict and intolerant religion that many would classify as a cult. That religion forbid stepping into another church, and the items you see here would have been deemed "religious propaganda." Bad, very bad stuff, the strict and intolerant religion would want you to believe.

Twisted and sick, the ridiculous ideologies I was taught at such a critical stage of life. And oh, the things that stick and you must work through later on! First, though, you have to identify these things, then you have to pick them apart, and then you have to address every little section of these multifaceted bits in order to be a better person who actually functions successfully in the now, the real now, and not in the "I can't wait to live forever in peace on earth."

I know and can see clearly that I have overcome so much - things that most people should and will never, ever know - but for every accomplishment there is always another little seed of discontentment burrowed into a deep cavern of the mind and soul emitting this dark wave of yuckiness when I least expect it.

And so I go in with my pick axe and flashlight hat and dig it out. "Hey, little guy. You got left behind. Let's get you out of this place." You gotta trick the seed of discontentment into thinking that there is somewhere better than the mind and soul to reside, and once you've unearthed it, you have to hold the yuckiness in your hand for a spell and before finally giving it a good heave.

Amazing how these little seeds vaporize once you free them from where they are trapped. Even as you hold them in your hand to analyze the shit out of them, they begin to dissipate.

As with everything, it's all in how you look at it. But you have to look at it. You must. Denial is NOT your friend, no matter how comfortable it is to hold its hand.

I do feel somewhat rebellious and even a little fearful, even 25 years after I removed myself from the religion that I was born into, by having these items in my possession. Those old ideologies so ingrained. They'll hold you in chains if you let them.

I'm not going to be chained to them any longer. I'm not declaring that I am a Catholic - I am simply learning and going with my gut every bit of the way. More importantly: Instead of being stuck between believing and non believing, I'm saying today that I believe in God.

Step one.