City Lights

A view of the city at night with the Moon and Venus thrown in.

We were on our way home from Zombie Cinema which is a sort of horror film club where you can go to watch little known horror films. They show two but we only stayed for one.

The delight on offer tonight was The Devil's Sword, an Indonesian film in which most of the horror resides in the mullets and polystyrene sets.

The story line goes like this - an evil Crocodile Queen lives under a lake where she demands the young men of the village to go and satisfy her lusts. The Queen has the power to miraculously change her outfit from a silvery number when putting the men under her evil spell to a more colourful outfit in the time it take to lead them a few feet to her crocodile-shaped, chiffon-enveloped couch. Anyone who displeases her is thrown into a pit of cannibals though we are not sure how a pit of cannibals is possible since in reality you would quickly end up with one very fat cannibal. I digress. The Queen eventually picks on the wrong person when she sends a minion to a village to pick up a man in the process of getting married. The wife-to-be is not happy. A Hero appears to try and stop the Minion. The Minion carries the almost-husband away and almost-wife and Hero set off on horseback to Put Things Right.

There is a magical sword somewhere in the mix. The Horse has very large testicles as evidenced by camera angles apparently set up purely to accentuate that fact. The Evil Queen sends out armies of men in rubber crocodile suits to foil our heros. A man swinging a hat on a string and an old woman with her teeth coloured in black with felt-tip pen are also out to find the sword. Our Hero, pausing only to cut his masters legs off after feeding him an exploding mushroom finds the sword and fights the Minion mullet to mullet whilst large gold polystyrene crocodile with - rather worryingly - fire coming out of its mouth, shoots laser beams at them. Lots and lots of a thin red liquid is sprayed about with accompanying sound effects which resemble a garden hose on high pressure. It would appear that at least 99% of the special effects budget was spent on dry ice.

It was silly, very silly. But fun!