sweet dreams

I know this may come as a shock to you, but I have a few annoying habits. I talk VERY loudly (even in extremely important whispery situations), I re-introduce people to each other all the time (and even several times in one night), I leave the little peel lid type thing off the top of the milk on the kitchen work top (to the eternal annoyance of The Dog) and there are many more besides (this list is constant and ever changing).

If you know me, you will by now have heard me start many a dull sentence with the words 'Oh my god I had the most mental dream last night...' and for those of you who don't know me - you'd be right to think my friends are long suffering and probably on some kind of medication. However.....for those of you who don't know me, I actually have PROPER mental dreams that are like whole films playing in my head. And I try not to bore people too much with my dreams - I only ever regale dire dreams (like the time I dreamt I was filing in my office) or the really, really good ones.

I don't know if it's the fact that my dreams really are more mental than anybody else's or if I have the ability to remember all the fine details better than others, who knows? But anyway - here is a small selection of dreams I have had THIS VERY WEEK....

I had taken my friend Clare's 2 sons and Scobe's son Owen and Scobe's new born baby on a holiday to a really terrible caravan park where it rained the whole time. I got really hammered for the entire duration of the holiday and completely forgot to look after the children. I walked into the livingroom and Clare's youngest son Jacob was feeding Scobe's new born (and non existent in real life) baby hairspray because it was so hungry.....

I woke up in the middle of the night (in my dream) to the sound of my mobile going off. When I went to get it, enraged at someone being so rude as to call me at that time of the morning I realised that this person rang me by accident (being called Abi I am at the beginning of everybody's phone book and therefore get this A LOT) and I was about to hang up when I realised that the phone call enabled me to astrally project to the house of this couple I barely know (but would fancy the husband in another life) and find out where they bought their livingroom cushions from.....

All of my friends were going to Barcelona and I wanted to go with them so I hopped onto a bit of wind and literally flew over there. It was amazing, and being with all my friends there was so much fun. However, the day it was time to come home I lost my bottle as the wind was REALLY windy and the rain was pelting down so I didn't want to fly back the way I'd come. I finally managed to get a cheap flight home (which was the same flight my friends were on) and as we were waiting to take off we realised it was cheap because we were actually the audience for the Jonathan Ross show. He was up on the stage with a guest and I kept heckling him and calling him an asshole and whoever it was he was interviewing told me to shut up and as the camera panned over to me I discovered I was dressed as Darth Vader.....

I promise you I am not making ANY of that up. I have dreamt that I have best friends called Dubrovnik & Mash-Up, I have dreamt that I have camped in space, I have dreamt that Ron Dixon from Brookside beat up my Auntie Marion with a baseball bat! I'm not embellishing any of this. Sometimes I wake up very confused indeed. And imagine trying to look up what they mean in a dream book. Take that last one for example - where the hell would you begin? Flying is a good starting point, but once I get that out the way I'd need to look up 'extreme need to get things on the cheap', then 'Jonathan Ross', then 'Darth Vader'. I just don't think there's a book out there that would cut the mustard.

Anyway - this is a rubbish blip, I know. I have just had a brilliant week for dreams and wanted to record them. Sometimes I feel a bit sorry for you having to read my mind dribbles.

So..other things that I have done this week (in no particular order):

Saw the Mighty Boosh
Bought Arlo's winter coat
Accepted a date with Vix to go and see Elbow
Booked a holiday to Ibiza
Read a bit more of 1984 (yes, it really is taking that long)
Fed Arlo his first fruit & veg (bananas = yes, sweet potato = yes, carrots =no)
Walked into a lamp post
Eaten lamb (this is more unusual for me than you would think)
Got rid of my cough (possibly)

I am going to bed now. The only reason I am writing all of this twaddle down is because it is Friday night and I feel that going to bed early is cheating. Bry is out with Andy & Vicki watching David Holmes and I am a bit lost for stuff to do. Or I'm not that lost really - I could easily finish off the rest of the MEGA bag of chocolate covered raisins that I bought earlier, but feeling slightly queasy from what I've scoffed so far, I will restrain myself.

Toodle-Ooh x