Susan's Magical Medical Bag

What a wonderful March we had, the best on record or so they say.

In fact it was that good the streets of Scotland were treated to something they, thankfully, only see once in June and possibly July . . . and that's peely, wally Scotsmen, who should know better, with their 'taps aff', their bellies hanging out and only a snake belt to hold up their jeans.

It just shouldn't be allowed, Alex Salmond take note!!

All that sun meant that when I read the papers on Sunday morning, I assumed it was nothing more than an 'April Fool' story as headline after headline screamed out "Scotland to return to the Ice Age" and "Snow to batter the country" and "Kiltwalk Doomed".

I even thought those motorway maintenance guys were in on it as well, as when I drove through to Edinburgh the gantry signs were displaying "Snow on Tuesday".

It all turned into a horrible dream as when I woke up just before 06:00 this morning, I couldn't believe my eyes and thought "awe naw, where are we going to get 778 sledges from for Sunday?" Suffice to say our day has been spent sweeping snow off the streets and putting up heat lamps along the 26 mile route so that you'll all be nice and toasty as you walk.

As for the weather, well I've had enough of it and I've left it with Carey our weatherman who says it's to be dry at the weekend, so that's good enough for me.

So registrations have now closed and the final count for The Kiltwalk from Hampden Park to Loch Lomond is 778 Kiltwalkers, which is beyond what we hoped for, so thanks in advance to all those taking part as I doubt I'll get to meet you all on Sunday. All we need now is for you all to raise the same average amount as last year in which case The Kiltwalk Charities are going to be really pleased :-)

The Susan Donn Kiltwalk Medical Survival Kit - it's not what it says on the Tin

Now that we're 'closed', it's time to exclusively reveal the secrets of the infamous "Susan Donn Kiltwalk Medical Survival Kit" and a visual inspection shows Susan has packed:

Wet wipes (for life's little mishaps), Compeed plasters (various flavours of), Paracetamol (note two missing, so they must have covered Sunday mornings hangover), Vaseline (for all your bits), Indigestion Tablets (to cure Saturday nights Kebab), Hot and Cold Gel (whatever takes your fancy), Bandages and dressings of multiple sizes, Sun Crème (wishful thinking), Scissors (only a real nurse would remember the important things) and last but not least the ORANGE Tablets which I'll come back to these later.

So how will those of you recognise Susan, who will be joined on The Kiltwalk by her husband David?

Well David's easy as he will have his camera out and he'll be taking pictures to show all his pals offshore. For those of you who have been following The Kiltwalk on Blipfoto then if you go and have a look at the 1st Februarys entry, you'll see David's training ground. He also takes a mean picture and his Blipfoto Journal is worth a look.

Susan, is even easier as she will be sitting in the main stand, with the biggest bag you've ever seen, which contains enough supplies for a small army marching to Loch Lomond. Wait a minute, there is a small army marching to Loch Lomond!!

She has flasks, astronaut vacuum packed food, hydration tablets, rehydration sachets and her "Magic Slippers". So called because Susan has been known to whip them out when the dancing gets started and she believes they posses 'magical' powers that help her dance all night long.

Now as a lad I hoped I had a pair of "Billy's Magical Football boots" so that I could pop up at the back post and score the winning goal in the 89th minute, so I do 'magical' and I was willing to go with this until I remembered "Tom's tale".
Tom, was the guy who managed to walk the last number of miles with Susan, however as fit as he is, he tells the following story.

"It was strange, I've never seen anything like it!!"

"Wi' every step Susan's bag got lighter and Susan got fitter and stronger and faster",

"Mile after mile the pace just increased until I was running just to keep up wi' her"

"She's superhuman, scary in fact, she just chewed, chewed, chewed".

It was a strange tale and as Tom told his story, you could see him flinch at the pain his body had gone through, just to keep up with Susan.

It was then I had a flash back. A flash back that got clearer as I remembered Susan sitting in the stand at Hampden, dipping her hand like a wee kiddy into that 'big bag' and almost without noticing, she'd whip out something 'orangey' and say "these are rare".

I then thought of all the dancing she did with those 'magical slippers' and remembered Tom remarking that her bag got 'lighter' as she walked those final miles, munching away at 'something'.

So now I've worked it out and I know her secret.

If you want tae survive The Kiltwalk, then never mind the medical bag, or the two pairs of socks, or the sports lucozade . . . just sidle up tae Susan, stick your hand in her bag, and pinch one o' they big Orange tablets!!

For those of you who don't know me then I'll be easily recognizable on Sunday. I'll be the one running away fae a wee woman fae Fraserburgh!!

You can support The Kiltwalk NOW!! Text KILT00 £2 to 70070