Large Hadron Colander...

The Large Hadron Colander (LHC) is the world's largest and highest-energy vegetable accelerator complex, intended to collide opposing organic foodstuffs with very high kinetic energy. Its main purpose is to explore the validity and limitations of the Vegetable Definitions Model. It is theorized that the colander will 'lettuce' confirm the classification of such enigmas as the standard tomato or cucumber. This would supply a crucial missing link in the Vegetable Definitions Model and explain how other elementary vegetables are classified.

There are worries the structure is not 'stroganoff' to withstand the high energies and electrical 'currants' involved when they 'turnip' on and many 'plots' to distrupt proceedings have been uncovered forcing security personnel to work in 'pears' to avoid any unauthorised information 'leeks' and protect the 'swede' scientists who being leaders in their field and can demand the highest 'celerys'.

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Big shout out has to go to EcoDad for helping me out with his punning prowess and making me giggle all afternoon when I really should have been being more productive.