Uneasiness

It is getting more difficult for me to fall asleep at night. When I do, I sleep so lightly that every little movement or sound that Casey makes, wakes me up. Her pillow is usually on Mr. M's side of the bed but I've moved it to mine so I can hang my arm down and touch her every time I wake up- mostly it's to see if she's still breathing.

We've always had to put our animals down. Not a single one of them died on their own, not even our first pet, a hamster. Even he had to be euthanized. What would it be like to wake up to a dog that died silently on her pillow during the night? Horrible? A relief? I think too much about it.