See you later, crocodile

This is Jonah "Jonah" Jones. He acquired his nickname (which is, coincidentally, the same as his real name) as a result of his adventures. He recounted his tale to me during the course of a long night at The Sunken Mermaid. Large quantities of Grog were consumed and some of the details are a little hazy but I will attempt to tell his story here...

As a young sea-dog - scarcely more than a sea-pup - Jonah ran away to sea. Well, he lived a long way inland, so he actually ran away to a small boating lake near Guildford. But, over the years, he finally made it to Scarborough, Bridlington, Grimsby and thence to the Caribbean Islands. After a disagreement with his elderly shipmates (Jonah is reluctant to go into details but, as far as I can gather, the argument involved rum, gold, a treasure-map and a disputed packet of Werthers Originals), he was marooned on a desert island. Unbeknownst to Joanah and his ancient marooners, the island was, in fact, a sleeping whale. It was shortly after Jonah managed to light a campfire that he realised the true nature of his new home. To cut a long story slightly less long, Jonah escaped from the whale only to be eaten by, successively, a dolphin, a shark, a manatee and, finally, a crocodile. He survived inside the belly of the beast for several years until the crocodile had a sneezing fit brought on by an allergic reaction to a wooden puppet that he had just eaten.

Since then, the crocodile (whose name is Doby Mick) has perpetually hunted Jonah. He is aided in his quest by the travel alarm clock that Jonah once ate for a bet. At 7:00 AM every day, Jonah's stomach emits a series of electronic beeps and Doby uses these to try to track Jonah down (like the dog that he is). He has nearly succeeded on several occasions - most notably whilst Jonah was on shore leave in New York. Doby swam through the sewers and pounced upon Jonah whilst he was about his..err..business.

And the nickname? This was based on Jonah's unmistakable likeness to 80s pop singer Jonah Lewie of "Stop the Cavalry" fame.

More piratical shenanigans here.