Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground.

The White Stripes.

While driving to work this morning, I noticed a squirrel caught in the middle of the road, trying to dart back and forth between cars in order to reach the other side. Tires whizzed past as he flitted across the pavement. I slowed down, ready to brake for the squirrel (yes, I brake for animals, even birds). No car was in front of me but a car was about twenty feet in front of me in the lane next to mine (four-lane road). The squirrel turned around and attempted to reach the curve, only to hit the back left tire of the SUV and bounce back on the ground.... completely still except for its tail blowing in the wind.

I wanted to cry when I saw that.

I see roadkill all the time and don't give it too much thought
(aside from whipping out my camera to attempt pictures),
but this is the first time I saw a life taken away.
I've never seen a live animal hit by a car before.

Tomorrow is going to be my 700th blip. Wow.

[A year ago today... broken hearted. Hurt. Confused. Why?]

I'm going to reflect on my year ago entry
(this might be the first time I've done so).
I'm not going to lie -- I've been kind of angry all day.
So much has changed in a year...
the boy I wrote that entry about?
Those feelings don't really exist anymore,
and have been replaced with resentment,
bitterness, anger, frustration, disappointment.
I loved him, he was my best friend. Not anymore.
Yet, I still care. I can't help that. I always will.
I also wrote a pretty harsh message to someone today,
that I thought was a friend of mine. She was awesome.
But not who I thought she was.
I can't express how disappointed I am about that, too.
Yes, I am extremely happy with my life now
and the people in my life are freaking amazing,
but naturally, I'm bothered at the way things turned out.
If you read this, I want you to know that
you are completely wrong about who you think I am,
what you think I've done, and how you think I've behaved.
I can't believe I wasted the last year of my life on you.
The good thing about all this? I learned a lot.
And I'm never taking shit from anyone ever again.