one of those days..

Today is one of those days.. that miserable type of weather days and the not so nice park weather days. It's great for wellies days but Niamh grew out of hers a shoe size ago. It is however one of those days where I can reflect a bit about things that have happened in the last year, few months, weeks and days.
I find though that the more I look back on things, the more I tend to wonder about my future, my family's future, past and present friendships and stuff like that. I know i am very lucky compared to some and for that I'm greatful. other people i am not so sure. Recently we've been in situations thst in a way i feel entirely taken advantage of. Sometimes I look back to last year when i spent a lot of time being a shoulder to cry on for someone for when i needed someone, because they where happier they left me behind. Or the respect i had for someones confidence, keeping my mouth shut for them to abuse that and give a one sided view of me. To be taken advantage of when i feel af my most vulnerable, pregnant and unsure of most the people around me. In m, losing lovedones to death and some by plain and utter bitterness. In many ways i find it funny to the point that i'm not even sad about that today but that could change tomorrow. I know that whatever i feel, in a way a lot of the strife is csused by myself. I've been told often that i tend to try and be a good friend to the point i forget about the strain it can bring on myself. I only recently realised that it was true. I think i should continue to be there for others but not too often that they will abuse it and maybe in turn i wont expect the same.

On a very positive note i know a lot more now than what i did two years agg. As a parent my confidence grows more and more especially when i see how
far Niamh has come along. As time goes on i find myself caring very little about what others might think about how we do things as parents. Very little if nothing do i have to prove to anyone other than Niamh and A-J. This makes me a much happier and content mother :)

So, apart from this stuff, today was alright, well rather lovely. my best friend popped in with her beautiful daughter and we had a natter about everything and all things while having a coffee. I'll miss her heaps when she moves but i am so excited for her future which looks so bright :) anyway.. a very awake, not napped two year old calls xx