Jackanory

Arnold Humpalot opened the door to his DIY shop, 'Hammer It!' with the same expectation he normally carried to any day, i.e. none whatsoever. It wasn't that he didn't like his job, it was more that he despised it, hated the day he ever stepped into the shop & Mr Barbarella said 'if you buy it I'll throw in the wife.'

To be fair, the marriage to Mrs Barbarella had been a great success yielding 16 children and upteen nights of passion, but the shop had been a money sucking drain of Titanic proportions.

Still here he was, everyday apart from Sundays, opening up at 8am for the morning trade that was always the same old motley crew of builders banned from all other DIY outlets due to debt issues.

As Humpalot opened the door though he became immediately aware that something was very seriously amiss. Several things hit him all at once. The shop was empty, the walls were painted bright pink & a punch took him in the knackers. Seeing stars Humpalot watched helplessly as midgets painted in a pink glow, wearing dresses and feathered head gear ran past him and out into the bright sunny morning singing, as they ran, the theme tune to Top Cat.

Hours later after the police had dusted down the joint, dusting that included Humpalot as one midget had given him a hand off whilst running past him on the bit in the song 'He's a Chief, he's a King!' and Humpalot was being interviewed.

'Why do you think the Pink Midgets targeted you Humpalot?' asked Inspector Gadget.

'Well,' replied Humpalot feeling strangely elated with some excitement at last in his day, 'the first question I have Arthur is why are you calling yourself Gadget when your names Smith?'

'Never you mind Humpy,' replies Gadget in a gruff voice of rich depth that had been recognised by the parish choir, 'just answer the question.'

'I honestly don't know,' replied Humpalot heartily, 'but I'll tell you one thing.'

'What's that Humdinger?'

'I do love the colour!' Arnold Humpalot replied, happiness filling his tone, a day of undeniable boredom taken over by the glorious Pink Midget Gang.