[u]Hey der, I like your hair [/u]

My tongue looks alot better today, no ink on it, but my god does it feel worse.

It's slightly swollen, I can't eat anything, not even yoghurts, I can hardly talk, and it's hard to smoke. Over life right now, can I just fast forward a week so I can go back to eating my lunch time chips?

My routine to have a tab is, anitbacterial on my hands, smoke then mouthwash afterwards 2 times, JUST FOR A TAB

I've realised I haven't mentioned anything about Rhiannon and Kirsty, my two best friends. They honestly mean the world to me, like seriously. I love them to pieces. I'll probably explain more about them in a later blip :)

Last night I spoke to David and basically said I wanna be with him, but I'm scared because of my ex and he said he doesn't want a relationship now. why the fuck has he been giving me all these signals then?! got me so confused. So when I saw him today, I didn't know how to act really, now I can't look at him the same, I don't know if I do want to be with him now. I'm so bloody confused.

I should probably explain why I'm scared because of my ex.

Here comes my life story
Right, well you need to understand my family first, I was brought up with my mum and dad arguing, at the age of 10, I've seen my dad hit my mum, smash a wine glass across her face and loads more. When they split up, on christmas day 2005 my dad's anger, caused from alcohol problems got put onto me, he used to yell at me, push me, make me cry and because he was in the SAS, he knows alot so he managed to temporarily paralyse me, all because of drink Alot has happened, lots more, but me, a 10 year old having to stop my mum from crying, my little sister, who was 6, from finding out, and trying to have a childhood, it was a lot of pressure, and trust me, this ain't no sob story
But then last year, it all got too much for me and my dad, we argued and i got kicked out, 3 days before my birthday. Nice timing Father

Anyways, about my ex, we started going out in 2010, I was with him nearly 2 years, and on his 18th birthday was when it went downhill considerably, I mean, we argued loads, but we always got through it.
On his birthday, he had been drinking, we all had, and there was a couple in a room yelling their heads off, my ex then went to sort it out and when he couldn't, went into his bedroom, I followed, being the caring girlfriend going to comfort him, and all I got was Fuck off
So me, doing what I was told, said okay, I'll go home
He didn't like this one bit and put his arm out to stop me going, we had a little argument there, and as I went to duck under his arm, he grabbed my arm, squeezed it tight, and as I looked at him, up came his fist, and punched me clean in the face
I was in so much shock. I couldn't even cry.
After that, he knew he could get away with it, as I stupidly stayed with him. He started twisting my wrist in school, pushing me about, everything.
And then he finished me, because I bought a 2mm expander
Thank god he doesn't see me now, with my 8mm expander, nipple piercings and now tongue piercing :')

But yeah, I don't really trust boys that much

So that's why. And that's why I'm scared. I know the boy's who I hang around with now would never do that, but I mean, I can't help but flinch whenever someone raises their hand or whatever. It's affected me so much. It also links in to why I have depression I guess..

But hey, I'm over him now. I mean I have my days when I miss him, but I think I miss being with someone, holding someone close, having someone to confide in and having someone to love and love me back

Is it really too much to ask to find someone like that again?