Two faced

My son took this photo of me, I know the nose isn't quite lined up properly but he only took 3 photos before he said he was too freaked out to take any more. You just can't get the staff these days.

It reminded me of the time I did something really stupid that I still feel really bad about. We were in Sainsburys, my boy was only about 3, and we were looking at the Halloween section when I picked up the most horrible and fearsome mask there was, tapped him on the shoulder and surprised him with my new face. It scared the shit out of him. I don't know why I did it, I just wasn't thinking. He cried until we got to aisle 4 where I bought him a kinder egg.

Another time, same sort of age, he was sleeping in my bed and I crept in to the bedroom to get something...with a facemask on. He used to hate seeing me with a facemask on during the day which is why I put it on in the evening, however he woke up and I tried to run out of the door before he could catch a glimpse of me but it was too late. He started crying and screaming, so I tried to wash the damn thing off as quickly as I could - not an easy task as anyone who has ever worn a facemask can imagine, especially when you have the pressure of your child screaming for you in the next room . I went in all innocently and asked him why he was crying and he said "Something ugly came in and scared me." Then I saw him eye up patches of facemask residue on my face and I asked "Was it me?" and he said "Yes."

I think I might write a book entitled "101 masks to scare your children with".