countdown

a despo blip of my laptop screen as I've been so busy today telling everyone at work that I am leaving to go back to uni and looking up funding options.

their reactions:
- Wow you are so brave
aka you are on a one-way ticket for a face plant and a big issue vest

- I wish I could do that, I'm a secret muscian / writer / dancer / fluent French speaker / psychologist / photographer etc..
everyone has a creative side. I used to secretly distinguish myself thinking I had a more special gift or urge for this. Bollocks.Truth is everyone does but very few of us are made to feel like we should or could indulge it. These people don't represent dry husks for me to reject any more. Not since I started doing this. They are me. I'm just taking a much bigger risk because I have the fortune / misfortune of no responsibilities, but I do so realising every one of these people wants to and could do it. I only wish they could do it with me.

- and what will you do after that? Teach?
aka how will you earn a crust doing that as it so clearly barking. I don't understand learning for learning's sake. You must make practical use of it somehow.
For me - Don't get me wrong I'd love to teach, would LOVE to. I respect and am born of solid teaching stock, but I find this question interesting. Is it not enough to learn and enjoy it? Teachers represent the ceiling of knowledge for so many people, academia is an alien world beyond imagining

- I'm sure they'll always be a place for you here
aka good for you, enjoy a wee break but you'll be back with your tail between your legs before long. At least I hope so as I need to believe that. I need to believe that people do not actually do what they love and survive and are happy, otherwise why am I here and miserable? You'll be back soon enough

- but you had real potential /were really good at this
aka f**k she was doing all the work if she leaves I'll actually have to get a finger out.
Or may be they might have actually meant this but are still baffled as to why I would walk away from a good job/career

- that's a bit of a tangent is it not?
aka you were always a bit odd. I have no frame of reference for what you are telling me. You want to study books you say. Why? What is the purpose of this? You are clearly one of the scary mental people I avoid eye contact with

- good for you. I'm glad to see you so happy. Good to see someone take some risks for what they want. That's kinda inspiring
this was the best reaction and the predominant one. Came accompanied with smiles and embraces. These are the people I would say the same thing to if they came to me. These are people I will remember and I hope to keep in touch with. These are the people I will miss

107 days and it all changes. I've started thinking about plans to prepare (personal and academic) but forgive me a few more very boring blips where I will try to capture my current habitat in all it's toxic glory before I leave. Lest I forget.. already the nostalgia fairies have been hard at work sprinkling sparkles over all the cracks. Just as well the heady rush of the oncoming liberation is surging through my veins to overcome the nostalgia and nerves.

and finally a rant.

Tonight was the last Mary Ann Kennedy's Global Gathering show on BBC Radio Scotland. Genuinely dismayed that the high up heid yins have decided to deprive the listening public of such a superb mind expanding show, up there with John Peel as far as tugging your lugs towards new life changing tunes goes.

If you've never listened before, the breadth of music genuinely left you breathless. From UK/Scottish trad-folk, to Congolese tribal music, Moroccan rap or Siberian throat singers, or Portuguese Fado / jazz fusions. It had it all. It presented a huge cooking pot of culturally equal and diverse music to stir up and taste against our own. It was unique. It is now gone and no amount of rescheduling a world show on R3, and popping a breakfast bagpipe slot on Radio Scotland will bring it back. Shame on you BBC.

Her last show was a Martyn Bennett special, which while it was ace doesn't give you a real flavour of the amazing spectrum of music that was usually on. That just won't be around any more.

rant over. Enjoy your days / evenings