Missing one

First of all - thank you everyone for all your comments, stars and hearts yesterday and for putting Whisper on the Spotlight page. I know it was not a spectacular picture in any way, so it really meant a lot to me.

Whisper's sudden illness was a shock. He had looked a bit stiff and uncomfortable for a couple of days, but he was an old man and he has been working all of his life. He needed regular chiropractor treatment to keep fit, so I was not too worried. We saw the chiropractor yesterday. She looked and him and we agreed that he was not looking great, but he had been worse and recovered well, so we expected the same this time. The chiropractor used a thermographic camera to see how his body was functioning and the result was not worrying either - he was very 'red' (which indicates a problem) in the area around one knee, but otherwise it looked ok. She made sure all joints and his back was ok and we went home.

I took the boys for a walk. Whisper was off leash with the others. He still didn't look great, but he was trotting and he did seem to move better after the chiropractor treatment.

I went to work at 10 am. He was still sore and not quite right, but not too bad. When I came home at 3.30 pm, I found him paralyzed from the waist and down. He could not get up and when he tried to move, he was dragging his hind part after him.

I went directly to the vet and he was put to sleep in the back of my car. He kept licking my hand until he stopped breathing.

Whisper had an embolus in the spinal cord 3½ years ago. He reacted the same way back then - he was paralyzed in his hind part and was in an animal hospital for days. It took a long time, a lot of hard work and physiotherapy for him to regain control over his body. Nobody thought he would survive and when he did no one thought he would be able to dance again. He did that too.

It was probably another embolus yesterday, but he was 12½ years old now. He would not have survived this time and it would not have been fair to put him through so much pain again. It was time for him to go.

Both Hero and Beat have reacted quite strongly.

Hero loved Whisper. He would greet Whisper before he would greet me, when they had been away from each other. Hero spent all afternoon yesterday looking for Whisper in the places where he would usually be and when he couldn't find him, he came to me for comfort.

Beat has been very cuddly too. He does not seem to be looking for Whisper, but he is behaving differently.

Biscuit is being Biscuit. If Biscuit is ok and feeling well, he sees no reason to be upset. After all Biscuit is the center of Biscuit's universe. It really is quite nice that at least one of us are behaving as usual and Biscuit's happiness makes me smile.

I think 'devastated' is the word that covers how I feel best. 'Disbelief' maybe too. It all happened so suddenly and it was so unexpected. I have had the worst headache and I feel so sick. Last night was very long. I can't quite understand that I will never see him again, never dance with him again and never hold his beautiful head in my hands and look into his eyes again.

Sweet Dream my wonderful boy...
Emmy & the Hazyland boys

Thank you so much to Tina and Kirsty for a beautiful tribute.

And thank you too Miss Buttercup too - it really means so much to me.