Resolution.

Predictions for 2015:

1. Following The Times newspaper's decision to name Nigel Farage as Briton of the Year, God creates an indelible veneer of vomit that is to be smeared on all culpable employees.

2. Mike Ashley sells Newcastle Utd to HM Queen Elizabeth II who immediately makes £500 billion available for the January transfer window.

3. Simon Cowell sees the error of his ways and locks himself in a shed on Dartmoor before throwing away the key.

4. The population of the UK come to their senses and herd UKIP on to a badly maintained rocket destined for Saturn.

5. Cheesecake, peanuts, IPA, merlot and wine gums are provided free of charge to all.


Well.......I can dream.