The plot thickens......

I woke up with a blinding headache, whether from the masked man bopping me on the head or the 16 glasses of camel wine I had consumed before they arrived; I know not. Either way I had felt better, but thankfully the cell I found myself in had a bed, albeit made of steel, a goose feather pillow, and the greatest hits of David Soul being played on a continuous loop at an extraordinary volume.

Now I accept that some people may have found this much of David a modern day torture, but to me hearing 'Don't give up on us,' 'Going in with my eyes open,' and the all conquering 'Silver lady' was just pure bliss.

After what seemed like hours or maybe even days or possibly mere minutes, I heard the thunder of job nailed boots in the corridor as my captors came to look at their loot. Hoping against hope that they wouldn't turn off David, they turned off David, and even worse just as he was building up to the third chorus in 'Silver lady.'

'Torture isn't it!' declared the burly masked man at the front in a wee Scottish accent. I thought of replying in the negative but realised this could be a trick question so I kept stum.

I was sat up at this point working my way thought the closing bars of 'Silver Lady' when the burly leader shouted at me again and again,

'Why are you causing trouble for The new Polaroid Blipfoto?'

His voice reverberated around the cell and I lost track of dear David's stunning tune. Clutching on to my feather pillow I managed a searching question back,

'Are you called Joe by any chance?'

It was s mischievous question to cause more anger, but instead the leader stepped back and declared in a less than clear voice,

'Not me!'

'Or me,' declared the others in the room, each one shaking their heads violently, and indeed one poor fellow shaking his head too hard as he fell, overcome no doubt by immense dizziness and immediately carried out by some of the troop.

'So that's a no then,' I offered, a smile laced through my voice as mint takes over a mojito.

'Correct,' said the leader, 'no Joe's here. Never has been, never will be!'

'Right,' I said. 'So why am I here?' I asked, with the voice of an innocent nun.

'You know why!' bellowed the leader, 'you think you can cause trouble over our great new venture? Well you can't!

'Oh yes I can!' I shouted back.

'Oh no you can't!' the captors replied as one.

'Oh yes I can!' I replied, just to see what would happen.

'Oh no you.......,' began the leaders possy before he turned and gave them a hard stare, which given he was wearing a mask was quite an achievement.

'Well, you can take my life, but you'll never take my freedom,' I nonchalantly replied.

'Well we just have,' said the man not called Joe as he ushered his followers out of the cell and locked the door.

I heard their laughter fade as they retreated away from my cell. I was left to contemplate just who were these band of fiends, and why the hell had they replaced David Soul with Gary Barlow!!!!!


to be continued......

A X