When you've got to go, you've got to go......

Today wasn't that quiet a day but the most exciting thing was talking to Tesco Man about carrier bags closely followed by being asked by an accountancy person to terminate someone currently on 'gardening leave'. I have no idea what they did wrong!

Anyway, last week on the radio they advertised a BBC programme which was on the box tonight. It was featuring things found on train tracks after they have been travelling at low speeds. It just reminded me of when I went interailing for a fortnight when I was 22. You could get a ticket then - I presume you still can - which allows people under 23 to travel across Europe. It's a student type thing to do as part of a group but as I was working from 16, I just used a couple of weeks annual leave and set off with my backpack on my own like a spindly version of Xena Warrior Princess. Actually it was a backpack borrowed from Frank as I wasn't exactly prepared!

I had a great couple of weeks travelling through bits of France, Germany and Austria meeting a couple of American students - Janna from Arizona and Stephanie from Seattle - and we had a good laugh travelling together until they went on to Italy and I headed homeward at the end of my fortnight. They waved me off on the night train from Vienna 22 years ago and I know them as FB pals now.

Anyone who knows me well will know I am quite a nervy, jittery person and while I enjoyed the trip, I didn't really relax properly until I was on my way back. My appetite returned with a vengeance when I got off the train in Lille and I bought a GIGANTIC cheese and egg salad baguette (with onions) and a can of coke for the final journey from Lille to Calais. It was a very old rattly train - probably old British rolling stock - and I had my carriage all to myself. It was a beautiful early October day and I was delighted that I had done this on my own and had survived! I basked in the sun shining through the window enjoying my huge delicious baguette which was the nicest I had ever tasted.

As I say, I had not eaten much apart from junk snacks while I'd been travelling previously and I demolished all of my lunch no problem at all. About ten minutes later - I have a fast metabolism - i needed to visit the loo! I've never been a person to use train loos before preferring to wait until the station but well, needs must and the carriage was still all mine. I rushed into the cubicle and sat down barely noticing the visible rail tracks whoosing past beneath the toilet bowl. I was quite alarmed realising that everything would land on the track below! It was then that I noticed the big signs on the door and walls in German, English and French ordering 'Do not use the toilet while the train is in the station!'

Well, once you've started you can't stop partway through and it was with horror I realised that the train had slowed considerably and was stopping in a really noisy station! I could hear the whistles and voices as well as doors banging all around and there was me with my jeans round my ankles in the middle of the most enormous number two I had ever had. That was the closest I had ever come to understanding what childbirth might be like. I was sitting there dying a thousand deaths of embarrassment expecting to be dragged off the loo and thrown into a French prison like The Man In The Iron Mask, when a really loud whistle sounded and the train moved off! I was so relieved that everything else dropped out then.

I stayed in that toilet cubicle for nearly half an hour as I was too mortified to risk being seen by the other passengers who must surely know what I'd done! When I did emerge, I was delighted that my carriage was still empty although I expect everyone knew that there was a dreadful English person in the loo and had decided to move further up the train. Phew! I wasn't arrested at Calais either but I tell you, I must have been half a stone lighter when I alighted. Good job I didn't derail the poor train!

That's it for today. My story is complete and we can get back to normal tomorrow and I'll write about something nicer....

Track? As usual, my music choice is nothing to do with my picture or write up but is just simply a favourite of mine from Robert Plant - Big Log