Portrait of The Dancer As A Young Woman

I have been thinking of blipping this portrait of sixteen-year-old Leif for a while. I modeled with great pleasure for the artist, Charles Richards, each day after school for a couple of weeks. A lovely man, gentle and elegant in his attentions, Charles lived for a while in my father's old studio with his wife, Armia. They were members of the family for a while.

During my junior and senior years in high school, I was such a dancer, utterly and completely devoted to becoming a ballerina. Commuting to New Orleans every weekend for classes and rehearsals, I was a serious student and performing often with The Crescent Ballet Company. Lelia Haller was my teacher, and I was as smitten as a teenager can possibly be with a demanding mentor who, when she was young, had danced with L'Opera de Paris. I was absolutely sure I would dance there someday, too. Ms. Haller was capable of raising me to the clouds with one compliment, but one critical word could have me despairing for days. Extremes were what I thrived on in those days.

In the portrait I am wearing my first "romantic" length tutu. It floated wonderfully around my slender body during a grande jete or a tour jete. Each time I came home from school, which I hated, and put on my tutu and makeup and pointe shoes to model for Charles...I was transported into that realm where dreams come true.

Five years later I would leave the ballet to give birth to my daughter, Moira. I would learn to embrace a freer sort of dance. I would shift quickly from modeling myself on Anna Pavlova to following the liberating example set by Isadora Duncan. I found out just how wonderful it is to wear filmy silk tunics and express the depths of my rapturous soul. I would never go back.

Yet here on my wall,  after years of living a very different life than was originally dreamt of, young Leif and her ballerina dream still cause me to ponder. Her pensive gaze can pierce my heart at times. I love her. I really do love her...and some part of me longs to retain and fulfill such intensity of purpose. But I am not sure how...