Up and Down

Last night was hard. I couldn’t sit still, was pacing the flat, in tears. Self- harmed, paced some more, tried to sleep. The agitation built up and got out of bed again. Took a diazepam. Felt like lashing out; punched my bathroom cabinet mirror until it was cracked. Eventually the diazepam kicked in and I got to sleep.

Woke this morning feeling like I had never slept. Went to get my ECG, then into town to return a pair of jeans, next up to the hospital to see the psychiatrist. I am now taking Lithium; wasn’t keen to go on this because of the side effects and the constant monitoring it needs. But I can’t say no to a possible recovery. Getting blood taken on Friday morning after 4 days taking it to check blood levels are ok. (I think, got a bit lost as he explained all the ins and outs).

Home to get into my pj’s and veg on the sofa.   

I feel I am going from bad to worse. Clearly the ECT hasn’t worked. The psychiatrist agreed.