The Jig is Up

Just a few more hours and I'm off to find myself in the desert.  A new beginning.  A new hope.  A new destiny.  I'm lost.  I'm buried under years of abuse, debt, heartache, confusion, pain, remorse.  Yet, I do have a sense of gratitude.  I do believe in destiny and I have no regrets, except the fact that what I have ever said has hurt someone.  I teeter totter between the notion the notion of being fundamentally bad, rotten, and the feeling that I have been made just the way that God intended me to be, an individual, a gift.  My one hope with getting sober is that I can truly find a way to make all the insanity make sense, so that it can bring another some sense of hope and peace in a world that can seem so confusing.

I want to say that the one thing I have ever done that I am the most proud of is witnessing, from afar, my all time favorite student, Kodi Witty, graduate high school and head to college.  I am so overwhelming in awe of this beautiful spirit.  Although I haven't spoken to her in quite a while, I think of her everyday and am so grateful that I got to hear her story and witness her growth.  Don't get lost like I did Kodi.  Stay strong and always remember to love hard, everyday.  Love until your heart explodes.  Love is the answer.  Love is what this whole ride is about.  The next time you are in a car with a sunroof, stick your hands out into the rolling wind and what you feel, is me, loving you.  Thank you for allowing me to be your teacher.  Now you take over.  I need to be taught.  Don't forget about me.