Stone faced...

This morning, I was buying my usual (industrial strength) mascara from one of those posh cosmetics counters in a department store.

I'm usually slightly intimidated by the ladies who work there....they're always so gaunt, glossy and glamorous - everything I'm not.

Today's assistant was like something from a magazine...all tan, teeth and tons of make up. (I'm afraid I immediately took against her, when she asked me if I'd be interested in an anti-ageing cream....I just knew that she was comparing her glowing babyskin to my dull elephant hide.)

However, I was cheered up immeasurably, when she bent down to open the mascara drawer, and let rip an ENORMOUS fart. The poor soul blushed as red as her lipstick, but I kindly kept my wrinkled face very straight, even when she stood up and said.... 'You'll be blown away by this season's new colours'......