<snivel>

1: i sent an email i really, *really* shouldn't have sent, saying things that were pretty unforgivable. i've officially been forgiven, but the resulting emails and conversation have been horrible and awkward and unpleasant and have undone all the good that got done in conversation on sunday. it seems i have the power to destroy one of the best things that has ever happened to me and i can't stop myself wielding it.

2: decision made. despite much protesting for two months from himself, i was right, he's taking the job. the allegedly temporary nature and fluidity of roles are being stressed, which i suspect is a load of the finest BS they have no intention of keeping to, but either he believes it or he doesn't care because bringing up just sparked anger in reply.

gods, i feel really crap right now - and worse because the person i want to talk to and have hug me and tell me it'll be ok is the other party in the crapness. what did i do to deserve all this?