A bird in the hand = a messy palm

George and Mildred smiling through clenched beaks...

Mildred: Do I look OK? Can they see me yet?

George: No you don't look OK. Yes, they unfortunately can see you.

Mildred: At least they didn't see you last night, you drunken bum! Farting and burping while singing 'Delilah' - Alex Harvey style - all the way home!

George: I was out with the lads and it's Easter! People eat turkey for Easter these days and you came close....

Mildred: HUMPH! Don't breathe over me. You've been eating mealworms again!

George: I always get peckish after a pint, Mildred! Be fair! Anyway, her indoors who provided the mealworms has gone out for Sunday dinner and to get porked by a pensioner!

Mildred: Sigh! You dirty old buzzard! We tiny birds *narrowing beak* eat small amounts. She is having a pensioner's pork dinner instead of a full size dinner!

George: That's worse! Pinching some old bird's dinner instead? She must be tight, or Scottish!

Track? Mott the Hoople as it's Easter! - Roll Away The Stone