Flotilla

So my mum insisted on watching some of the jubilee stuff on the TV this afternoon. The excuse being that The Matthew, a replica of a 1497 ship which she and dad had been on board before might be taking part. And so we endured another one of those attempts by live television to capture raw experience using shallow, inarticulate TV hosts trying to fill every awkward silence with inane, ill-informed trivia.

"The queen is clearly having the time of her life," warbled one as the camera honed in on Madge looking cold and miserable, trapped onboard what looked like a floating garden centre. She looked a bit like she'd been dragged away from her Tivo-ed recording of The Voice from the previous night.

The Matthew itself didn't show up on the coverage. It might have been there eventually, but I'd lost the will to live by then.