John

I missed my normal train this morning as I seemed totally unable to wake up first thing. I felt like I'd only had three hours sleep rather than seven, which is actually the most I've slept in quite a while. It meant that I saw John here on the train. I don't chance upon him so much these days but he's been a regular fixture for as long as I can remember. I have no idea exactly what his life situation is for conversation isn't easy. All I know is that he is the sweetest guy imaginable and seems to care about everyone, checking out each passenger on the train in turn. He always makes a point of feeling and passing comment on my shirt, and expresses concern if I am wearing shorts on a cold day. He knows that Shipley is my station and gets quite agitated if I'm slow getting ready to leave. I've had him hurrying me up and trying to close the lid on my laptop before now. He gets genuinely worried that I might miss my stop.

In a way, I find myself being slightly envious of his child-like innocence and curiosity, his lack of inhibition, his seemingly untroubled demeanour. The funniest thing today was when he got out his Metro to read and a friend sitting next to me wanted to see the headline on the front page. He wouldn't let her look, and was determined to put the paper in his bag before she got a chance to take it from him - this all in spite of the fact that he can't read. I couldn't work out whether he was just being playful or following certain programs of behaviour that have become hard-wired through routine. I then got to wonder that perhaps I'm not so very different. My programs are more complex but I possibly follow them just as blindly. Don't we all? It's not often that I sit up and take notice of how rarely I entertain any free will in my life. Today was one such day. I need to take more control.