Good Grief 13

Things have continued to feel oppressive and got on top of me and  avenues tried have felt thwarted at each turn. This is where the realm of grief and depression merge I suppose. I know it is a case of trying to get going, start again, do some different stuff perhaps, change the landscape a little. But the truth is, it is relentlessly hard work when you least feel like it. The concepts of enjoyment, fun, or even interest are, at best, elusive, and mostly, absent. This makes the effort of doing anything doubly/infinitely hard. I get the theories ... do something, you'll feel better for it, make a start and things will grow ... do it even if you don't feel like it ... do it because you don't feel like it ... etc., etc. But, quite frankly, much as I would like to believe that and much as I try to do that, the reality is that that is not necessarily how it seems to work. Activity is not guaranteed to improve mood and sometimes does the opposite, increasing the feeling of alienation, despondency and futility whilst the sense of what has been lost deepens.