Day 885 - A Rollercoaster...

…of emotions today.


The short version:


I met with the Consultant’s Registrar this morning and it started with ‘confusion’ when he told me that when they did the keyhole surgery they found the medial meniscus (cartilage) to be intact and there was no tear.  In my confusion, I didn’t ask the questions I should have…  I also told him I thought the cyst had filled up again and he asked me “who told you you had a cyst?”.  I said the consultant told me and I was shown where it was on the MRI…  It was as if I shouldn't have been told I had a cyst!


Confusion gave way to being a bit ‘upset’ at being told I had the start of arthritis and that was what was causing the pain.  The arthritis is probably caused by the original “ski-ing” injury (I slid on black ice – work that one out!!!)…


Being upset turned to being ‘utterly gobsmacked’!!!  I told him that no-one had come to see me after the surgery so I didn’t know what had happened.  He told me that I “didn’t need to know there was nothing wrong with the knee because most people forget what has been said to them after being under an anaesthetic”…  I remember everything from when I woke up and I have spent the last 5 weeks thinking they cut away the torn cartilage and that I was on the mend…  It is so wrong of them to let me think that.
He then said “we did come to see you”.  I said no you didn’t.  He said “the nurses came to see you…”.  I was still gobsmacked at this point but later I was thinking to myself, the nurses didn’t even know whether or not I had had stitches!!!!


Back to being ‘upset’ when he told me there was nothing they could do for the arthritis or the cyst but he would write to my doctor to get me referred for physio and get stronger anti-inflammatories.


I got back to my car and cried down the phone to my sister and dad – 2 and a half years of this followed by the thought of now being in pain non-stop with the potential for it to worsen was a bit much for me.  I had seen light at the end of the tunnel and it has been taken away from me.


As I was driving back to work, I started to get angry at them for not telling me there was no tear in the cartilage straight after surgery because they didn’t think I needed to know.  It’s my body – I have a right to know!!! 


My mind has been reeling all day.  My plan is to see my GP on Monday and talk things over with him, then discuss things with the actual consultant on the 7th July which is my original follow up appointment anyway and hopefully get some answers and possibly a second opinion.



Anger has finally turned into 'exhaustion'!!!