Please be my friend.

Why are you turning against me? You used to let your children throw breadcrumbs for me and laugh when I caught them in the air.

But now you seem to have changed your view. It can't be that Hitchcock fellow. That was a long time ago. And you know it was a fake. They scattered cocaine on that house and how were we to know it was bad for us. After all even your great Lords and their ladies can't resist it.

In any case this trouble comes from just a tiny minority. Almost all of us believe in British values like pure water and clean air.

I expect they will start using that funny word culling soon. And then you will have protesters with placards proclaiming "Save our Gulls"

Please let us live in peace like all those Pigeons. And don't begrudge us the occasional ice cream.