horns of a dilemma

Seeing a life-size dinosaur at the side of the road near MK hospital is weird enough.  Having a doctor refuse to carry out a procedure, requested by another doctor, is uncharted territory for me.  And now I have some hard thinking to do.

Anniemay’s at the gym this morning so I walk to the hospital.  I take my camera on the off-chance and notice our local Triceratops has had a new coat of paint.  (You don’t tend to notice this sort of thing when passing by at 60mph).

I have an appointment for a heart scan which was requested by a cardiologist I saw a couple of weeks ago. This scan - a stress echocardiogram - involves injecting a drug which will raise my heart rate (as if simulating exercise) and then seeing what happens.  

I’m prep’d as soon as I arrive, vitals measured and a cannula inserted in my left arm.  Arrangements are made for Anniemay to collect me in a few hours time as I won’t be able to drive for 24 hours.  I lay back on the bed and wait for the doctor who will carry out the scan.    

He shakes my hand, looks at my notes and frowns; there is, apparently, a paucity of information on the request;  “do you know why you’re having this done?” After a discussion about my medical history he declares the scan to be too risky.  I have atrial fibrillation and if the drug causes my heart rate to go off the scale it would mean admission to a ward and the old ‘stand back everyone’ routine while they apply electrodes to my chest; “I wouldn’t want to put you through that”.  So we will have to try something different.  Another time.

I’m unplugged and free to go.  

By the time I walk home Anniemay is back from the gym.  That I get home under my own steam is a big enough shock for her, let alone being much earlier than expected.  When I explain, she expresses relief and then admits to having been worried all the time she was at the gym.  She thinks I’m putting myself through too many procedures.

I have to give this some serious thought.  Life will never be the same as it was before I had cancer, but it’s pretty good; I can ride my bike (a bit) and sing (a bit) and we get to have fun and adventures.  The heart arrhythmia does not appear to be life-threatening.

But is does cause discomfort. And the heart drugs have side effects that I could do without. I’d love to be free of medication altogether and there is a procedure that might - if it was successful - might just enable this.  But it carries risk. 

Anniemay reminds me that there are people far worse off than me and that maybe I should settle for the life I have; “quit while you’re ahead.”

And that’s the nub of the dilemma; stop any further attempts at sorting out the heart and accept things as they are, or press ahead with yet more tests and (risky) procedures.  Neither horn feels particularly comfortable right now. 

I was hoping that there might be three options, thereby justifying my use of the Triceratops - when I suggest to Anniemay that I simply come off the drugs and take my chances, she flashes back “that’s not an option.”  No it’s not, when I think about it.