I've done two things today in the step forward I need to take to remove myself from the rut of low self esteem, lack of confidence and feeling of going nowhere that I have had since the summer of 2013.

firstly, I booked an appointment at the hairdresser to sort my hair. I'm not adverse to going grey - in fact I look forward to having a head of silver hair one day - but I look better with lighter hair instead of my own dark brown. I was sweating in the hairdresser...its time to get over that wee phobia.

secondly, I applied for a short course in ceramics at gray's school of art. I don't even know why it popped into my head, but it did and I filled out the form and posted it before my brain got the chance to come up with some doubts and panic. instead, it conjured up some wheezing for me, but I can handle that. I had to send a recent passport photo - but found an older one and sent that before I could back out. now, having done it...I'll be totally gutted if I don't get accepted.

I'm holding myself back and I'm tired of it. I can see it in my face. it's getting worse, so it's time to do something about it. hopefully this will be a step in the right direction.