Hey! Abstract Thursday!

This was unintentional and I only realized right after I made the shot that it might actually be a novelty for myself if I posted it.  I doubt you can tell what it is, but that doesn't matter ... although you're welcome to guess.  Frankly, I can't distinguish the objects either because I wasn't really mentally focused when I clicked.

An emotionally provoked shot.  I don't think I make them all the time.  The day started with some discomfort when I misplaced my bunch of keys at work.  It has a coding device which enables me to log in into my worksite, so naturally I couldn't do that.  The bunch also contains my car key, house keys, and office key, so I was definitely not amused.  Of course, the planning department changed my classroom but I couldn't log in to check what the new one was, so I had to ask a colleague, no problem, but then I couldn't find the room itself.  Another student joined me and it took us about 20 minutes.  Fortunately, the presentations today went smoothly, so that I breathed a lot more easily at the end, but the missing keys distracted me so much that I simply dismissed the kids after 1.5 hours so that I could look for them.  I put on my coat and prepared to tramp back to the car half a kilometer away, picked up my umbrella because it was pouring ... and discovered that the keys had fallen into the folded umbrella.  Relief!   Rode the lift back upstairs and, having no other classes, worked hard for the rest of the afternoon.  Misplaced the keys again when I left them in the staff w.c.  I was really furious with myself this time, even after I had gone back to pick them up.

Earlier today, though, even before I left for work, I had a short discussion on FB with someone who constantly posts anti-refugee articles and how scary it all is, how our government isn't doing anything to reassure its citizens that nothing untoward will happen, how things are spinning frighteningly out of control, and so on.  While I respect his fear and understand the insecurity of a large segment of the population, I also woke up to the reality of my own anxiety.  I have adjusted my settings so that I do not get continually swamped with this kind of broadcasting but, as I told hubby tonight, I suddenly feel like a coward.  I do not take kindly to verbal agression.  Maybe because I grew up overdosed with it.  Maybe because it in turn brings out agression in me.  Maybe because I grew up with fear and fear makes me weak and I do not like feeling vulnerable or afraid.  Fear makes me angry and that is not good.  It took three years of therapy to remove years of anger out of my system.  Even with films, when I know it's all fiction, I cannot take it.

I think that if the refugee crisis is approached with agression, it will only get worse.  Anger provokes anger and the situation is bad enough as it is, without the extreme right pouring only more fuel into the flames.  I don't think it will get better, even as I understand how distrustful and suspicious many Dutch have become.  A lot of people are doing their best to welcome these unexpected guests and I feel like doing the same.  Personally I would like to help out in some concrete way, and I think that I will be doing myself just as much of a favour as them.  I have a feeling that the folks who are helping out are doing so to fight their own fear, their own anxiety, their own discomfort.  I prefer that approach to that of the far right.  But I also feel that I have to stand up to that agression when I am confronted with it.  Frankly, I hate it when I find myself in a position where I think I have to do that.  Fighting fire with fire never fixed anything.  My mind is just messed up tonight.