Crisis of Faith

Struck by the sudden realisation today that I'm not particularly enjoying my course. I thought it would be more practical, interesting, exciting.. Better than it is

Don't get me wrong, I will stick it out because being a doctor us all I've ever wanted to do and yes, I should learn to walk before I can run since it's only my second week. But damn it's frustrating

Have found myself having to dig very deep already to find the reasons I applied to medicine in the first place. Don't think it should be like that ten days in. I've invested thousands if pounds and hours of effort into this

I think I might also be depressed or might have been for a while. Thinking about what happened in my first degree, scared it'll happen in the next, isolated, frankly a bit lonely, paranoid that I'm not getting on with my course colleagues, that they're talking about me behind my back... Why is she here? Why didn't she just stay as a pharmacist? Wisdom teeth hurt too and I can't sleep..

But a great friend of mine sent me a lovely Bible passage on my birthday and I've been reading it when things get hairy. I'm not particularly religious but I genuinely think prayer, for strength and peace, will be the only thing to get me through this week