"hello darkness, my old friend"

So, like I'm sorry to have been M.I.A. recently and for the record, I probably will be a hit-or-miss proposition for the next couple of weeks. My head and heart are like in pieces: shattered, tattered, humpty-dumpty-like, pieces.

There are a few things that no matter how hard you think you can repeat, you can not. Having and experiencing your first child is paramount on that list

My first child (almost said first "born" but that would be redundant would it not) is so not herself now and observing her has ripped me to shreds  - no matter how much others advised me of how well she was progressing - Steffi relying and being wholly dependent on others, is not what I imagined for her at any age, definitely not now.

She asked our GP to refer me (?) to some form of "grief" counseling as it appears my state of health is not where She would like to see it, weight loss, while normally a good thing (I thought) is a bit alarming in this case; about 5 stone drop in a week - sleep little and stop drinking, you'd be amazed what can happen -

I'm cutting the melancholy off now, no need to drag anyone else down here with me, besides, I prefer the loneliness of my sorrow be shared with no one.

Steffi - according to EVERYBODY ELSE - is coming along quite well and should indeed recover normal functions by Christmas or the end of the year.

Her father, there's reason to believe he will never be the same