Can you see it?

The thing that is causing my pain?

No, neither can I. That's what makes it worse - there's no external evidence of what is causing this ongoing, persistent, debilitating, life changing pain (at worst) / discomfort (at best).

The only thing I can see is that one side of my abdomen curves in quite significantly, and the other side doesn't. The side that doesn't is the side where I experience the most pain.

The only other things I can see are the war wounds that indicate previous surgery - the scars from my gallbladder surgery, my funny belly button that has the scars of two keyhole surgery entry points and the tiger stripes that show that my weight has fluctuated so significantly over the past 15 years.

I am having a bad image day, because the pain is bad and it brings me right down to earth with a bump.

I have to remind myself that the tiger stripes are a medal of honour in so many respects - a reminder that I brought life into the world, and in doing so, developed a craving (if you can call it that) for the sugary badness of Creme Eggs which caused my pre-birth weight to balloon to nearly 16 stone.

I have to remind myself that at the age of 24, just before my first marriage, I was creeping up towards 11 stone, and yet I did not have the self image problems that I have now.

I have to remind myself that my current weight is right for my height, means I have a good BMI, and that really I should be happy with how I am.

But all I see is imperfections, scars, lumps and bumps and I find myself wishing to be able to see someone different in the mirror from who I see.