Fall

In so many ways.

A beautiful bright blue sky kind of start this morning. I always wish I could stay at home and appreciate my house in the sunshine. 

We had our Harvest Liturgy today. It was nice to have the glorious weather as a backdrop, rather than the grey of the start of the week.

I had a good session with A on Wednesday. She is very insightful, and I always feel so much better when I leave. And I seemed to reach a sort of peace that Tim needs time and to give that to him. Being at work has even been somewhat enjoyable. The children are a welcome distraction, and there's a sense of security in the predictability of the daily routine, i.e.; going to work.

Little Ro had a bit of drama that night, which was on my mind yesterday. And then today Tim messaged me unexpectedly. He feels we've had time and need to talk. Could I meet him tomorrow. My hands started shaking when I read it. Nervous tummy too.

Of course I've said yes. He's coming to my house tomorrow afternoon. His choice. I called A, for advice, and she helped. Perhaps a bit beyond her job description but she didn't seem to mind. I wanted to be reminded of our session and make sure I don't get it wrong. There's too much at stake.

I'm yo-yoing between both scenarios. I want to be optimistic, it could all so easily be sorted. But in my gut I feel I am going to be hurt and disappointed all over again, and feel just as awful as I did three weekends ago. I suppose I'll know where I stand. 

But then there'll be nothing to look forward to....

I love Nashville, and this song was on one of the recent episodes. I used it this week at school when we were thinking about caring for others, and what we could do. Seemed very fitting. I wanted to send it to Tim but I didn't. 

Have A Little Faith In Me