Good Grief 64

I'd like to say things got better today but they didn't.
It was a beautiful day.
The autumn colours were glorious.
It was still and warm.
I realised that all the activity and exhaustion of late has just masked what has always been there these past years. I had rather hoped that it might jar me into another place, a different groove, out of the rut. This seems to be such a dreadful way to view another bereavement but I was hoping for relief after a lifelong shadow. Anything but this. This 'noonday demon' as Andrew Soloman puts it so well. It is crippling; the brightness of the day accentuates the realisation and it is devastatingly disheartening.
This is the road to my friend's. I had hoped to get through the weekend without bothering her .... fat chance ....