Red Sky in the Morning

I went back to work today. Mornings only. I wanted to bottle it last night, and consequently stayed up very late reading, and it was getting on for 2am by the time I got to sleep. Needless to say I was very tired this morning.

I was rewarded by the lovely glow just before 7am, and it wasn't nearly as dark as I thought it would be.

I picked up a friend on the way to work, unexpectedly, but it was nice as I didn't have to go in alone. I kept a low profile, felt quite sick, headachey and stuttering over my words.... and I'm not on any medication.....

Most likely stress. I wondered if I did the right thing going back, but it was really only 3 hours to get through and it went ok. I was glad to go home. I went to my mum's to hang out. It was nice. I had a bath and washed my hair, and then chilled for the rest of the day. It felt quite long. 

I called a friend this evening, and it was nice to chat. 

And I found out I DID get the second interview for the job in the Hague. I sort of feel a bit guilty knowing I likely wouldn't take it, but I will never know unless I try. I started this process to most likely rule it out, and possibly find out that the grass isn't always greener. I would prefer to work in London, but I need to keep searching. I'm beginning to wonder if teaching isn't really that transferrable.....

I'm a bit scared of going away, even just for the day, by myself. What if I get lost? What if I feel out of my depth? Can I really justify the expense? The only time I went to Schiphol, my Tim was there to pick me up. It was summer. Things were so very different. It makes my stomach lurch just thinking about it. Am I running away? Am I chasing something silly? I don't know. I want to turn the clock back a few months, but I can't do that. So now everything else is just filler. Groping. Searching. Confused. 

My friend Kay left me with wise words about all the aforementioned things.... "Don't overthink it"....