What are you looking at?

I was thinking today about the difference between sadness and depression. Today I was feeling sad and it had a very different quality from the days when I am mildly depressed. I had no trouble doing the tasks I had planned for the day. I didn't feel bogged down, just sad. And I noticed that this feeling is a real consequence of my love for Arvin and thinking about what he is going through. Depression feels more like avoidance, like trying to shut down and escape a situation. Sadness is more involved. It hurts but it is okay. It is an involved and living emotion.

As I thought of all of this my feelings settled into a quiet calm. The sadness receded and I continued to sit and make calendars, an almost mindless task. And I finished putting them all together and labeled many of them. I picked my favorite of the Northwest scenes and wildlife and sent it with a thank you card to Josee, the woman who helped me when Arvin went missing in Montreal. It felt good to send that gift off.

The squirrel was on the deck. I took the photo through the kitchen window. It was almost as if the squirrel saw me looking at her. But I am pretty sure she didn't.